Previous Chapter Summary: Xander ran from Willow and headed towards home. Angel came upon the crypt where Buffy died. Angelus came out to have a little chat with Angel while he was there. Giles contacted the Council about Faith being brought to Sunnydale. Spike and Buffy shared a sweet kiss at the end of the night.

Chapter Summary: Xander confronts his fears, and he will have faith and trust in Anya's knowledge. Buffy confronts some of her emotional and physical fears towards Spike and intimacy. Angel attempts to confront Cordelia back at the Summers' house. Willow and Amy drown farther into the abyss of dark magic with each other, and they talk about what happened with Xander.

Xander arrived at his apartment out of breath and scared. After Willow's little lust speech, he ran as fast as he could to get across town to his home. Once inside he slammed the door shut, locked it, and his body crumbled to the floor. With his face in his hands he wept for the anguish that was in his heart concerning his two best friends.

Anya walked out into the main living room when she heard the door open and close. She was about to ask about his patrol when she heard his shuddering sobs. She stopped advancing on him, and she tried to figure out what to do. She wasn't too good about dealing with all of the human emotions she felt or saw in others. "Xander?" She queried softly.

Xander's tear stained face looked up at his fiancé. "Ahn ..." He held out his arms towards Anya. "Come join me down here. I think we're having an unscheduled apocalypse."

"That must have been one heck of a patrol, Xander." Anya sank down next Xander on the floor. She snuggled against him. "You don't seem injured. What did you fight?"

"The injuries are internal, Ahn." Xander ran his fingers through Anya's hair. He rubbed her back with his other hand.

Anya rested her head on Xander's shoulder. She knew him well enough to realize that he was still in shock about whatever he'd seen. She waited for him to be able to continue.

"Willow ... She ... She taunted me with what her vampire doppelganger told her a couple years ago." Xander shivered again. "It was like she went all dark and sexy in an evil way. She even grabbed me." He shivered in disgust.

Anya knew what Xander referred to. Anya had been a part of the original spell to try and get her amulet back. She was glad that the spell hadn't worked because she wouldn't have Xander in her life if it had. "I wouldn't take everything that the vamped Willow said seriously. She wasn't exactly telling the truth about everything."

"What do you mean? Are you saying she lied?" Xander hoped that even as a vampire he hadn't done some of the things his Willow told him about earlier. 'Not that it matters. Willow was still all freaky to even say it.' He remembered how dark and cold Willow felt to him.

Anya tried to console Xander. "She was a bit upset that she was here." She rubbed the top of Xander's thigh. "Plus that whole bit about vampires not being anything like they are before they are turned was a bunch of hooey."

Xander remained silent. He contemplated telling Anya about Buffy. He needed to hear more from Anya before he did. He didn't want to believe that the Buffy he knew and loved was gone. It would be even worse than her death after Glory because he would see her but it wouldn't be her.

"Vamped Willow was just upset to be reminded of her humanity," Anya explained. "She chose to be how she was. The vampire demon helped her to let go of herself to the darker side, but she could have fought it."

"That is a bunch of garbage, Xander Harris." Anya sat up and rolled her eyes at Xander. "I really wish that you'd stop reading those Council books. They are not worth the paper they are written on."

"They've researched vampires and demons for centuries." Xander defended Giles and his knowledge base. "After dealing with them for all that time, they should know everything there is to know."

"They might know everything if each Council group would stop hiding information that they didn't want known by the next group." Anya stood up and paced in front of Xander. "I've been around for over a thousand years, and I know what they don't want their Slayer's to know."

"I'm not biased against facts that don't fit a certain mold like they are." Anya continued her tirade, "For example, why would the Council want the Slayers to know that not all demons are bad? The Council wants their Slayers to just kill any demon or vampire without any regard to the truth because they order it."

"I haven't seen all that many "friendly" demons. Most are trying to kill us, one way or another."

"You live on a Hellmouth," Anya stated matter-of-factly. "You are going to get the more violent and Hell bound demons here, doubly so because of the presence of a Slayer. There are many places, and even some right here, where demons just want to live in peace alongside the humans."

"Wow, that seems unreal to me." Xander contemplated Anya's words. "It's hard for me to get a handle on that one."

Anya dropped to her knees in front of Xander. "There are good and bad demons, just like there are good and bad humans. Surely you don't think all humans are good because of a "soul"."

Xander thought about how Willow acted earlier. He realized even more how his lines of black and white were growing ever more blurred. "Tell me more about vampires. You said that they could follow the ways of their humanity or the demon?"

"Yes," Anya folded her hands in her lap and continued, "The demon and human essence, or soul as you like to call it, battle it out when the body is transforming itself into the hybrid creature we call a vampire."

Xander nodded. "So Angelus, Drusilla, and Spike are all like their human counterparts before they were turned?" He feared for Buffy to be under Spike's care if he was that vicious even as a human.

"Not always. The ways of the demon are an easier path to follow. Often, the human essence gives up and just lets the demon take control." Anya thought back on the many vampires she'd encountered in her centuries of vengeance. "Being more human is chastised amongst the mainstream of vampires. Sires will try to beat and torture that essence to eradicate it."

"We were told that Drusilla was made insane by Angelus before she was even turned. She still remains insane now."

"Yes, but the unstable human element is what helped her vampire demon to take control of her." Anya had met the crazy Vampiress many decades earlier after Angelus left the fold with his soul. She'd granted a wish for Drusilla then too. "Her love for Angelus, and blind devotion to her Sire, also shaped who she became over the years."

Anya wasn't sure how much she should tell Xander about what she knew from her friendship with Halfrek about Spike. "I have a feeling that a lot of what Spike became had to do with Angelus tormenting him and his love at the time for Drusilla."

"How do you know that? Did you know Spike before he was turned?" Xander wondered if Anya had a connection to Spike before he was turned. 'Is that why she always seems to be more on his side?'

"No, but a friend of mine did. In fact, she feels that she was the reason he was turned in the first place." Halfrek never said much about her human days, but, after a run in with Drusilla one day, she'd confided in Anya about some of her past. "Spike has changed some since the chip was put in. He couldn't do many of the things that his vampiric family ties forced on him for decades."

"That isn't to say he doesn't still have the bad boy in him, but the chip let the demon justify in his mind how much of the human was showing again. For decades the demon was in the driver's seat. Now, it seems like they switch depending on what is needed."

"He did take care of Dawn all summer, even when Buffy was gone." Xander thought about how devastated Spike looked that morning after the tower incident. His own heart felt torn in two just by watching the grief on the vampire's face. "He could have left, but he stayed to help us. No one expected him to stay. At least I didn't."

"Exactly. Now you are starting to see, Xander." Anya beamed proudly at her fiancé. "He could have left, or he could have even had someone else kill us all. He is still a Master Vampire in one of the oldest clans in existence. He chose to stay with us and fight for us."

"So, if say Buffy was turned into a vampire, she might not go all evil on us?" Xander questioned.

"No, Slayers are different," Anya started to understand why Xander was so curious about her knowledge of demons. She figured something must have happened to Buffy. "They already have a vampire like demon in them from the time they are Chosen."

"Buffy has always been a demon?" Somehow the thought of Buffy always having a demon actually comforted him. 'If I liked Buffy before, and she fought with the good side, she should still be the same.'

"Hybrid, Xander. You need to stop thinking in absolute black and white." Anya was willing to spend whatever time it took to help Xander understand. Their wedding date was getting closer, and she longed for him to accept her demon friends.

"Yes. The human change into a Slayer hybrid starts when they are Chosen." Anya stood up. She extended her hand out to Xander to help him up. The two of them walked to the couch and sat down while Anya continued her explanations. "The demon presence makes itself known through dreams when they are first Chosen. It is how the Slayer is able to share in the memories of past Slayers. Normally they will feel the pull of both the darkness and the light."

Xander wrapped his arms around Anya. He felt like he should be taking notes in true Giles like fashion.

"Most Slayers end up leaning towards one side or the other. Some bounce back and forth over the line depending on the situation. That is one reason why we have rogue Slayers, like what happened with Faith. They get a taste of the dark side, or something snaps, and they lose it."

"Xander, are you trying to tell me that you think Buffy is a vampire?" Anya was tired of dancing around the subject. If Buffy was a vampire, they needed to deal with it head on and not run about the mulberry bush with it.

Xander nodded and sighed. "Let me tell you what happened tonight after Giles and I finished patrol."

Anya and Xander talked until well after sunrise about what Xander heard, what he saw in the cemetery, and what happened with Willow. They talked about different ways to handle their knowledge, and they finally decided that they wouldn't tell Giles about it yet. Both of them realized that Giles was acting very out of sorts, and they wanted to get all the facts before they went to Buffy's Watcher.

Anya knew of a few books that she could order that weren't tainted by the Council's teachings. It would take a day or two for them to get in, even by express. So, they needed to wait until they could get them for Xander to continue his research.

A part of Xander rebelled at the thought that anything vampire could be good, but he couldn't deny what his eyes told him. He tried to will himself to keep an open mind until he knew more. He wanted to talk to Buffy, but first he needed to know a little bit more about Slayers and vampires ... things he wouldn't find out from the Council of Watchers.

Cordelia snuck into the Summers' household before Angel, Willow, and Amy returned to it. She frowned when she found the shower off because she knew that Angel must have realized she left the house now. She quickly slipped into bed just as Angel returned from his outing.

A furious Angel slammed open the door of the Summers' house. All the lights at the Magic Box were off when he arrived, and he didn't have the patience to head to the Watcher's house to find him there. Instead he headed back to Buffy's house. He hoped that Cordelia would be back for him to talk to. He stomped up the steps with Connor in his arms.

Cordelia's heart skipped a couple beats. She could tell Angel was ticked. He wasn't being quiet about his entrance at all. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide her speeding heartbeat from him, but that didn't mean she was going to acknowledge him either. She wasn't ready to face his questions yet. She still had too many of her own.

The door to the bedroom slammed open, and Angel stepped into the room. "Delia?" He'd heard her heart race, and the scent of her trepidation was in the air. "Delia?" He repeated again.

Cordy tried her best to remain calm and stay still. The whimpers of an unhappy Connor nearly had her turning over in the bed to take care of the child.

Angel huffed. "I find it strange that the water was running without you being in the shower. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" He questioned.

After a couple more minutes without a response from Cordelia, Angel turned around and left the room with a parting statement. "I saw the crypt, and I know you're hiding something. I will find out what it is."

When the door closed, and she was sure that Angel was gone, Cordy sat up in bed. 'How did he find it? What was he doing in the cemetery anyways with Connor?' She'd have to avoid Angel as much as possible over the next couple days.

Cordy had to find out more about Willow's magic and talk to Tara and Dawn before she met with Spike and Buffy again. The trick was that she had to do all of this without Angel's knowledge. Her best option was to stay out of the house during the day.

Willow flashed a sly grin at Amy, "Did you see the look on Xander's face? Such a scared little boy; he is always wanting what he can't have. Do you remember the love spell you cast for him?"

Willow and Amy chuckled before Willow sneered and continued, "I just wish you could have seen his reactions to my vampire double. He was so scared of her, of me." A part of her delighted in the feelings of fear she felt from Xander. "You could tell he was jealous of his doppelganger, but he went on for days how *he* was a big shot in the alternative universe."

Willow paused a moment in contemplation then continued, "I know I was the truly powerful one. He was there what he has always been here; a scared little kid riding on my coattails. Poor Xander, can't get a passing grade, can't get a date, and can't help Buffy 'cept get in the way."

Willow's eyes maintained their inky blackness during the entire rant. The air was practically electrified from the borrowed magic coursing through the red head's veins. Right and wrong were no longer distinct choices. Everything was blending together, and the only thing that mattered was the magic and the delicious rush of power that accompanied each spell that was woven.

Reaching out to Amy, Willow pulled her closer and embraced her with a passionate kiss. This time Amy didn't pull back or flinch. She craved the power and energy of her former friend, now lover. It didn't matter to her that she had never considered herself to be gay, or even bisexual. The power was addicting, and she would do anything to keep Willow close. As long as they were together, they would be unstoppable.

With a wave of Willow's hand they were both naked. Their bodies started to move in slow rhythmic motions, and they were lost in the ecstasy of each other's bodies. Neither bothered to remember that they were in the living room or that their guests were secluded in various rooms and could come out at any time.

In their separate rooms Buffy and Spike both reflected on the day. Each of them were lost in their own thoughts, yet their thoughts both lingered on the same thing ... each other.

Buffy slipped beneath the cool satin sheets on her bed. The silkiness of the fabric felt like a tender caress over her exposed flesh. She sighed happily and buried her head in her pillow.

The longer Buffy lay alone in her bedroom the more unsettled she became. She felt cold and distant, alone and detached. She kept reaching out for something or someone else in the bed, but her reach came up empty every time.

Buffy hugged her arms around herself and clutched tightly. She figured out what was missing, but she was afraid to call out to him. She knew Spike would come to her aid, but she didn't want to hurt him or lead him on in any way. She needed him and wanted him, but she wasn't sure how far she was able to go.

In his own room, Spike sighed happily. He and Buffy sat on the porch until the sun started to rise. They alternated between kissing and just holding each other while they talked and snuggled. He felt closer to her than ever before, and he felt the bond they shared be strengthened.

Spike's blissful thoughts slowly drooped into bouts of loneliness and longing. He knew that he was content with how the day went. So, he assumed that what he was feeling came from Buffy. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, and he concentrated on the link he had with his Childe. It wasn't as strong as a mating link, but it still told him a lot about Buffy's moods.

Spike frowned at the pain he sensed in Buffy's heart and mind. Earlier she'd seemed so happy about having Dawn, him, Tara and Valerie around. He clutched his chest as the emptiness Buffy felt gnawed into his consciousness. Why was she feeling lonely when there were so many people here with her and on her side?

'But no one is in there with her now, vampire,' Spike's inner poet chided. 'Shouldn't a Sire be there with his Childe?'

'Most Sires would have let the Childe rise from a grave and find them,' The vampire retorted.

'You aren't a normal Sire to this Childe, Spike.' William knocked on the inside of Spike's brain. 'You love her, and you know you want to be in there with her.'

'She isn't ready yet,' Spike gripped the sheets more tightly. He had no desire to ruin the progress he'd already made with Buffy. 'If we push her, she might reject us. Rejection was hard enough before, I can't handle it again.'

Although it was unusual for William to be pushing Spike into moving into action sooner, it wasn't unheard of. William's heart broke over the pain he felt from Buffy's mind. He hated to admit that only his "Spike" side could calm her as her Sire, but he would do anything to ease her loneliness. 'Did earlier tonight feel like a rejection to you? Take the chance! Go in there!'

Spike gulped. He felt the mental nudges from William, and he was shocked to find William being so forceful with him. 'Fine!' Spike stood up, 'But if she rejects us this time, mate, I'm going to kill you.'

Spike opened the door to Buffy's bedroom a tiny bit. He peeked his head around the corner. "Mind if I come in pet?"

Buffy shook her head back and forth quickly. "I don't mind at all. Please do." She sat up in her bed.

Spike walked slowly over to Buffy's bed. "I couldn't help but feel that something was wrong, luv." He leaned against the side of the bed. "Is there something I can get you?"

Buffy nibbled on her lower lip nervously. She gazed down at the hands twisted in her electric comforter. Spike had been so loving and caring to make sure that she had everything she needed to stay warm and survive. She felt wrong in asking him for more, but there was something she needed more than anything else he could give her. She answered, "You?"

Buffy ducked her head shyly, but she pulled back the comforter of the bed. "You, Spike." She timidly raised her head to look into his eyes. "I need you."

"Buffy, you can't mean ..." Spike's words fell off into the silent night even as his body sank down to the bed to sit on the side of it.

"Hold me," Buffy spoke tenderly while her hands reached up to remove Spike's shirt. She dropped it over the side of the bed and scooted closer to him. "Show me the depth of your love."

Spike grabbed Buffy's hands when her fingers attempted to pop open the top button of his jeans. "I love you with all that I am, Buffy," His voice was barely audible except to Buffy's vampiric hearing. "I don't want to hurt you."

Buffy smiled warmly in return. She moved his hands away from his jeans with her free hand and continued to first pop the button open and then lower the zipper. "You won't hurt me." Her gaze never left his. "I need to feel your touch and your body completely against mine."

Spike kicked his jeans off onto the floor. He took Buffy in his arms and laid her back against his arm and the pillows in the middle of the bed. He pressed his naked body alongside hers, cupped her cheek with his free hand, and then ran that same hand through her golden tresses.

Buffy closed her eyes and purred softly in contentment. All of the pain from earlier vanished just by being in his presence. She turned her head to kiss the palm of Spike's hand. "Sire ..."

Spike kissed Buffy with the growing passion he felt for her. He nipped and nibbled along her jaw line until he claimed her lips again. "You don't have to do this, Childe. We have eternity to wait for you to be ready."

Buffy cupped Spike's cheek. "I'm doing this because I want to, not because I have to," She reassured him. "Is it too much to ask for you to touch and hold me without, you know what?"

Spike softly chuckled, "If you can't say it, you can't do it, pet." He loved to tease her. He trailed his fingertips down the side of her breast. He pinched one nipple between two fingers. "But I think I can accommodate you."

"Oooo," Buffy moaned. "And very well it would seem." She ran one of her hands down between them until she was able to wrap her fingers around his cock. "Although I can't give it the happiest place in the world, I won't let him be lonely." She stroked his hardening shaft up and down in time with the caresses and kisses he placed upon her body.

Spike kissed down Buffy's throat. He nipped and worried where her beating pulse would be, teasing the borrowed blood to the surface of her neck with blunt teeth. He growled into her neck.

Buffy knew instinctively why Spike was growling. She ran her fingers through his gelled hair, loosening it, and cooed, "Soon my beloved. Soon."

Spike's eyes flashed amber, and he pulled back to look into Buffy's now silver eyes. He grunted then growled again.

Buffy released her grip on his cock, nodded and placed both of her hands on his shoulders.

Tiny trails and droplets of Buffy's blood dotted her chest, breasts and abdomen, but this time there was no pain involved that she didn't want. When each nip beaded another droplet of blood on her body to add to the trail he'd created, she reveled in each flicker of Spike's tongue that took her blood off her body.

Spike snarled in pleasure with each taste of the Slayer's sweet elixir. She was the best thing he'd ever tasted. Being both his Childe and the Slayer did something to her blood that no one else could mimic. She tasted like Heaven, a pure nirvana for him to sample.

Spike buried his tongue in Buffy's belly button. He swirled the tip around the tiny hole, and he delighted in her squirms to try and get away from the questing appendage.

"Oh gosh ..." Buffy gasped the moment Spike's mouth met with her moistened core. She nearly shot off the bed, but Spike's hands on her hips held her down. "No one ..."

Spike grinned like a Cheshire cat. 'How could she never have had this done for her?' He silently cursed Buffy's previous lovers for not showing her this particular pleasure. In the next thought he grinned devilishly for being able to introduce her to this side of oral pleasure.

"Don't stop. Please don't stop," Buffy begged and twisted underneath Spike's grasp. She wrapped her legs on either side of his head and squeezed her thighs together around his head.

Spike was thankful he had no need to breathe, or he would be dead. The tighter Buffy gripped him, the further his tongue delved into her pink folds. He nibbled on the edges of her lips while he plunged two fingers into her depths.

Buffy squealed out in delight and bucked her pussy up into Spike's mouth. She writhed and cried out her mounting pleasure.

Spike's arm shot up to cover Buffy's mouth with his hand. Although he loved the growing volume and sounds of her pleasure, he as pretty sure that Tara and Dawn wouldn't appreciate being awakened by Buffy's orgasm.

Buffy beat her fists into the bed as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her body. She never felt this alive even when her heart beat. She careened over the edge into orgasmic ecstasy.

Spike continued to lick and suckle Buffy's clit into his mouth, alternating with full-length licks of his tongue into her core, to prolong her orgasm. He ground his own erection against the bed to seek any kind of relief that he could for the ache in his groin. When Buffy's orgasm started to abate, Spike sunk the tips of his fangs into the tender flesh around Buffy's clit and drank the sweet nectar of her blood along with her release.

Buffy's mouth opened to scream, but Spike's wrist and palm stopped most of the noise from coming out. Without thought Buffy sank her fangs into Spike's wrist and drank deeply of her Sire's essence. With each pull of his blood she felt more complete than the last.

Spike was unable to stop himself from cumming hard and fast when Buffy drank from him. He nearly passed out immediately from how much she was taking, but he wasn't able to stop her. He was mesmerized by the allure of her feeding. Just before he passed out from the strength of his orgasm and blood loss, he swore he heard Buffy say "Mine" and his own response of "Yours" echoing through the room.

Buffy pulled Spike up next to her. Instinctively she cut her tongue on one of her fangs. Then she sealed the wound on his wrist. She felt a change in her bond with Spike. She felt him more clearly, but something was still missing. She'd ask him about it later. Right now her body called out to her to sleep. Sunrise was approaching fast.

Spike dreamt of being claimed by Buffy. He wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't, but he didn't care. He was in Buffy's arms, and that was all that mattered. He was fairly certain that it was all just a dream because Buffy wouldn't know about claims yet.

Buffy caressed his face in his sleep. At first she worried that she took too much of his blood. A mental check revealed that he was only sleeping. She felt his dreams. She pulled the covers up over both their bodies, nestled tighter into Spike's embrace, and drifted off to a peaceful and contented sleep.

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