Death By Take Out (One Shot)

by Tasha

Story Summary: Never underestimate the usefulness of a good Chinese take out meal with all the trimmings. Set in the summer between Season 5 and Season 6. This is a one shot story with no pairings. I hope you enjoy Spike and Dawn's antics against Angel. Buffy even makes a bit of an appearance.

DEDICATION: This story is dedicated to JackOfSpikes, Karyn, MaryPerk, and Redwulf. Chatting with them for a couple weeks brought more ideas and me into better spirits. They had me laughing more times than I can count with their antics. Thank you guys!

Disclaimer: All characters originally created by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy belong to them by all rights. I just sneak them out of the vaults to play with them whenever I can. I do not make any money off of this. I have only the satisfaction that others enjoy the creativity and storylines that I come up with for our heroes, heroines, and villains.

Distribution: I welcome this story to be posted in related archives, but PLEASE let me know first. I'd like to know where this is going and see the feedback that people have for it. So please use my contact form (please put the story title in the subject of the email) to ask permission before posting this story anywhere. If you nominate this story for an award, please let me know at the email link above too. Thank you kindly.

'Single' quote marks surround thoughts in this story. "Regular" quotes are around spoken words.

Angel stomped his way up the Summers' sidewalk. The rumors that had floated to him in Los Angeles, about the comings and goings in Sunnydale, made his blood boil. The demon grapevine seemed to be under the impression that Spike was some kind of Scooby babysitter. What had the world come to if the Scoobies were depending on Spike for their survival?

A small compact car pulled up alongside the curb in front of 1630 Revello Drive. The driver picked up a plastic bag filled with various Chinese take-out boxes and condiments. He held his door open with his elbow until he could back out of his car and kick the door closed with his foot.

Angel ran the doorbell. He didn't have long to wait for an answer.

An exuberant teenager answered the door with, "The food's here Spike." She noticed Angel standing on the porch instead of their regular Chinese take-out delivery guy. Her smile quickly turned into a frown. "What do you want?"

"I ..." Angel was interrupted by the arrival of his Grand Childe.

"Do you need any help with," Spike's voice trailed off into a growl. "What are you doing here, Peaches?"

"Spike," Angel sneered. "Just the Childe I really need to stake."

"Oi!" Spike and Dawn exclaimed simultaneously. "Hey"

Angel tried to step past the threshold. He was surprised when he bounced off the barrier. "You disinvited me?" He looked at Dawn in shock. "You don't have to keep me out, Dawn. I'll protect you from Spike."

Dawn snorted. "I don't need you to protect me from Spike." She wrapped her arm around Spike's waist. "He protects me every day from everyone, including you."

Spike beamed with pride at Dawn. Although he still felt that he'd failed Dawn and Buffy when they needed him most, he lived every day to uphold the promise he made to Buffy. He would do everything in his power to keep her safe in Buffy's absence.

The delivery driver made it up the steps to the front door. He held out the bag for Dawn to grab. "It was all paid for ahead of time like usual."

When Dawn reached out for the bag, Angel grabbed her and pulled her fully out onto the porch. "Hey!" Dawn kicked Angel in the knees and tried to stomp on his feet.

The delivery driver ran for his car.

Spike intervened and threw Angel off to the side of the porch on the porch swing. The swing crashed to the ground. He tucked Dawn behind him, handed her the bag of take out, and backed their way back into the house. "You are not welcome here, Peaches. Go poof back to L.A. where you belong. It is the city of angels, isn't it?" He laughed.

The delivery driver started his car. He was just about to put it into drive when he noticed the small packages on the seat. "Crap!" Two packages of chopsticks had fallen out of the bag. Normally he would have just spun away, but this family ordered a lot of take out, and they tipped him well. He looked up at the porch, and it seemed that the fighting was over with. 'I'll just run these up and run back.' He eased himself out the door of the car, with the packages in his hand, and ran back for the porch.

Dawn poked her head out the front door to yell, "Hey you forgot our," Dawn yelled at the same time as the driver of the car ran up the walk with two packages in his hand.

Angel spun around in anger. Was everyone insane? Dawn wouldn't allow him into their house, and she was protecting Spike from him? 'There has to be a spell or something at work.' He growled on his way down the stairs. 'I'll find out what it is, and then I'll send him back to the earth where he should have stayed the first time he died.' So lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize that the first step was a bit loose. He fell forward into the delivery guy who was trying to get back up to the door.

"Damn," Angel muttered moments before his body crumbled to dust.

The delivery boy screamed, dropped the packages of chopsticks that were in his hands and ran back to his car. 'I have to get out of this town. I can't handle this crap any more.'

Dawn slowly walked out onto the porch with Spike behind her. They both stared at the pile of dust on the sidewalk at the end of the steps. They looked at the pile and then back at each other a couple times before they both started laughing.

Xander and Anya walked up the sidewalk to the Summers' household. It was time for movie night at the Summers' house this weekend, and they both needed the time away from the ever present loss of Buffy from their life. Movies helped to give them that.

"Xander, watch out for,"

Dawn's words were too late as Xander skipped up the last of the sidewalk to the step and ended up slipping on the dust instead. He landed firmly on his rump, which caused Dawn and Spike to break out into laughter again.

"Oh, that is a good one." Dawn held her sides because they hurt from so much laughter. "He finally got the better of Angel. You ... You ..."

Spike hooted with laughter. He tried to get a little more serious when Anya glared at him. "It's nothing personal, pet," He said to Anya. "It's just that Xander ..." He chuckled.

"Xander's butt is sitting right on top of a big pile of Angel dust," Dawn finished.

Xander's eyes twinkled in mirth. He scooted his butt back and forth to grind the dust into the sidewalk. "Guess I ended up on top at last, Deadboy."

"Buffy would be so mad at you guys for laughing over Angel's demise. I don't see what is so funny." Anya pouted.

"I think that even the Slayer would have seen the humor in this one." Spike turned to look at Dawn. "Though I'm going to make sure to let the Nibblet pick up all take out from now on. I'm not risking my unlife for it."

The four Scoobies walked into the Summers' house with their hearts a bit lighter than they had been in months. It was a brief respite but a welcome one.


Buffy looked down from Heaven with a smile on her face. She softly chuckled. She would have thought that seeing Angel's death would upset her, but he deserved it for trying to manhandle her sister. She blew a kiss down from the Heavens, and the last bits of Angel's dust disappeared in the wind.


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